Brannigan Begin Again
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Brannigan Begin Again Written by Lewis Morton
Directed by Jeffry Lynch
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Production code: 2ACV02 Original Airdate: Sun, 28-Nov-1999
Foxworld synopsis:
Womanizing Starship Captain Zapp Brannigan is court-martialed
after he accidentally blows up the DOOP (Democratic Order
of Planets) Headquarters and is stripped of his rank. When
Professor Farnsworth shows pity and hires the down-and-out
Brannigan as the newest member of his crew, Zapp leads a
mutiny to overthrow Leela.
Title Sequence
Opening theme promotion:
>> NOT Y3K COMPLIANT <<
Opening theme cartoon:
"Pigs in a Polka" (1943) {mk}
Did You Notice...
... the couch has a bandaid-like patch on its left arm?
... the oversized scissors are left-handed?
... the owl perched atop the entrance of the former DOOP
headquarters?
... that while Zapp and Kif peer into a restaurant, you can
see a cop on the street writing parking tickets?
... Kif has stubble at the top of his head as well as his chin?
... Zapp's "White Flag of War" is also the flag of the Neutral
Planet (as seen in the Neutral president's office)?
- Actually, I think the Neutral flag is grey. {jd}
Timothy Henrik Wille-Jørgensen:
... Leela gives us another view of her strength by tipping Fry
and Bender off the couch using a most inconvenient muscle?
... the Neutrals have grey tongues?
... Bender and Fry are sitting on fragile-looking boxes, and
using a 'this-way-up'-box turned upside down?
Craig Wyllie:
... just as Leela stepped off the gangway onto Stumbos Four, she
only flinched a bit and went "ugh?" I presumed it meant she
was in shape, as opposed to the other slackards.
Jym Dyer:
... Glab has a bandaid on her head after DOOP headquarters is
blown up?
... the jury has bandages, patches and slings as well?
... the hose nozzles have nifty raygun fins and styling?
... that Leela doesn't stop her crew from drinking beer (and
playing poker) while on the job?
... Kif squishes on Stumbos Four because he has no skeleton?
... Kif is helping Leela with the laundry?
... Bender calls dark matter "crap," which it is? [1ACV04]
DVD Audio Commentary:
... Kif's spacesuit has a handle on the back, for carrying him?
Voice Credits
- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Professor Farnsworth, Zapp, Small Glermo #1, Neutral #2)
- Katey Sagal (Leela)
- John DiMaggio (Bender)
- Tress MacNeille (Glab, Amazonian)
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche (Kif, Hyperchicken, Neutral #1)
- Guest Starring
- Phil LaMarr (Hermes)
Movie (and other) References
+ Star Wars I: A New Hope (Movie)
- The hologram creature quasi-chess game that Bender and Fry
in the opening was based on the game R2D2 and Chewy played
on board the Millenium Falcon. {da}, {jw}
- I believe this was also a reference to Battlechess, that old,
animated chess game, since the "pointy guy" looked a lot like
a bishop from that game. {an}
- The DVD commentary confirms the Star Wars reference. {jd}
+ Midnight Cowboy (Movie, 1969)
- The bit where Zapp and Kif roam the streets of New York,
complete with the song "Everybody's Talkin'." {jk}
- Zapp looks like Jon Voight in cowboy hat. Kif looks like
Ratso Rizzo. Jon Voigt was a hustler (a male prostitute who
services women), which is very akin to Zapp's ego. {hl}
+ Star Trek (TV Series) {dt}
- A very nice spoof of ST:TOS's worst kept secret: William
Shatner wore a girdle during parts of the series. Very nice
reference. Also you do have to wonder how Kirk would have
dealt with neutral people.
~ Heavy Planet (Novel)
- Although I haven't read it (yet), this book by Hal Clement dealt
with a mission to a planet with exceedingly high gravity, and
all of the challenges that entail. It was republished in 1954
as Mission of Gravity.
Previous Episode References
- [1ACV01] Hammerhead alien appears
- [1ACV02] Horrible, Gelatinous Blob appears
- [1ACV03] Owls seen
- [1ACV04] The NIMBUS appears
- [1ACV05] Robot Elders appear
- [1ACV06] Other members of Zoidberg's race are seen
- [1ACV07] Trisolians appear
- [1ACV10] Zapp abandons a doomed spaceship
- [1ACV11] The hover dolly appears
- [1ACV12] An Omicronian appears
- [1ACV13] Small Glermo #1 appears
Freeze Frame Fun
- Holographic chess game:
- Fry's pieces:
- A Horrible Gelatinous Blob [1ACV02] wearing a crown.
- A member of Dr. Zoidberg's species
- A member of Glab's species (with a mohwak)
- A "horsie"
- A Trisolian [1ACV07]
- An Insectoid
- Bender's pieces:
- A male Omicronian [1ACV12] wearing a crown
- A three-eyed Wormulan [1ACV13] alien (looking like a rook)
- A "pointy guy"
- A hammerhead [1ACV01]
- A long-nosed alien
- Fry appears to be winning. He has 6 pieces, while Bender only
has 4 (not including the pointy guy).
- As Bender's team attacks Fry, you can see the Omicronian
brandishing a long sword, and the Wormulan brandishing a small
knife. The Insectoid flutters in the air briefly to get out
of the way of the long-nosed alien.
- Outside Planet Express is the alien-language Slurm sign from
O'Zorgnax's Pub in [1ACV01].
- Leela is reading Cosmopolitan. {jd}
- NEW DOOP HEADQUARTERS
THE NEUTRAL ZONE
- The ceremonial ribbon seems to be tied on either end to hovering
posts.
- Number on the side and dorsal fin of Zapp's ship:
BP-1729
- Zapp's laser settings:
STUN
KILL
HYPERDEATHTM
- Also a FIRE button
- FORMER DOOP HEADQUARTERS
WEEHAUKEN, NEW JERSEY
- Amongst the 12 jurors:
- Small Glermo #1
- A hammerhead
- A Neptunian with a Moe Howard haircut
- Murg, from Trisol
- A robot elder from Chapek 9
- As Zapp suggests himself to Hattie, there is a big sign behind
him that says "SEX."
- You can see Hermes' office from the Planet Express lobby.
- Button next to open Planet Express door:
SLAM
- Poker game on the ship:
- Takes place in
CARGO-BAY
- Bender has three aces {thw}
- Fry has 2, 3, 4, and a card higher than 6, so his hand is
probably worthless {jd}
- NEUTRAL CAPITOL
NEUTROPOLIS
- Sign on capitol building:
LIVE FREE OR DON'T
- Dark matter furnaces:
- On the left:
RIGHT ENGINE
- On the right:
LEFT ENGINE
Animation, Continuity, and Other Goofs
Fry uses the "hey, I can't play chess" names for the knight and
the bishop. Still, he manages to give a quasi-correct verbal
command ("Horsie to pointy guy 6") for a normal chess game, but
on that weird board, the command makes no sense. {thw}
The closed captions refer to Leela as "Leila" throughout the whole
episode! That's the last time I rely on that for spelling.
- The DVD's subtitles spell her name correctly. {jd}
The Planet Express ship can be seen "parked" outside DOOP HQ, but
it is the wrong color (a strong shade of green). Also, it seems
to be destroyed when the dome disappears. [It is dirty later
in the episode ...]
Fry spots the reception table with muffins when he walks in from
the wall directly opposite Glab's podium, and the muffins were to
his right. However, when he is shown running towards it, he is
running from the wall opposite the table.
After Zapp points to the yarn people of Nylar 4, the statue behind
him disappears briefly.
The wall behind Glab is not shown when the laser cuts through the
statue. (I realize this was a perspective issue, but hey ...)
- Zapp shot a laser through the dome of the new DOOP headquarters
without decompressing it. {zz}
- The DOOP members all managed to survive the explosion, even
though the laser cut through the domed reception area. {rc}
- The dome's "window" may be 100% transparent, or is some sort
of force field that lets in light, or some other fancy 30th
Century alien technology. We have a conundrum! {jd}
The hose Fry is holding disappears right when Bender throws the
sponge. (Maybe he dropped it and it fell to the ground?)
- Fry's drawing of Leela doesn't appear until Bender points to it.
The "SLAM" button opens the door as well as closing it. <g>
- It could be a dynamic display that says "OPEN" when the door
is closed. {jd}
The ship's cargo bay should not be next door to and on the same
level as the cockpit. Note the curveature of the walls that
indicate it should be near the bottom of the ship. Also, its
length is perpendicular to what it should be.
- This goof is mentioned on the DVD commentary. {jd}
Fry's cards change position in his hands, instantaneously.
Bender holds five cards, but only four are seen on the box when
he puts them down.
- Bender has three aces in the poker game. Knowing Bender,
those aces didn't come from no deck on the table. {thw}
The White Flag of War flutters in the vacuum of space. {thw}
When the Neutral president's advisor warns of a beige alert, the
president's desk is bare, but in the next shot, his decorations,
minimal as they are, are back.
How did Zapp get the spacesuit on Kif so fast without lifting his
feet off the ground?
How do you explain a device that can hover (the hover dolly), but
not move up and down, and not raise itself when the level of the
ground underneath it rises (say, with the volume of a jacklifting
robot)?
A shadow appears along the left-hand side of the Neutral Planet,
but when the ship turns around, you can see the opposite sky and
the sun is not there.
If Leela couldn't get control of the ship, how did they manage to
steer it back to Earth? (And why didn't it keep going around in
circles until the two engine's energies balanced again?) {ddg}
Bender's bucket moves when he gives Leela puppy-dog eyes.
Fry's hose hangs under the railing behind him, but when he
talks to Leela it hangs under the railing facing Leela.
Theoretical Cartoon Physics 202
Timothy Henrik Wille-Jørgensen: The pillows don't fall
to the ground in the way expected from their weight.
Their weight divided by their area perpendicular to the
gravitational field is very large, which makes the air
resistance very small. Considering that Fry can breathe
the air, the air must have comparable density to the
Earth's atmosphere. Therefore, the pillows should have
plummeted like rocks.
Reviews
Nate "Bender" Burch: Well, right off the bat, this was a Cap'n
Brannigan episode, so of course it's getting a good rating.
Brannigan was pretty good, and probably had his best lines to
date in this episode. His hatred of "neutrals" was classic,
although he was perhaps a little too stupid at times in
this episode. This was also the first episode where Kif was
actually entertaining, and he was at the absolute height of
patheticness in this ep. Fry and Bender's lines weren't that
great, as this was mostly a Leela episode, not that that's
bad, in many ways she's a more interesting character, she's
just not as funny. Of course everything wraps up in a neat
little package, and we even get our action sequence, so not
an overwhelming ep. but pretty solid. (B)
Brian Corvello: I thought this episode was very funny -- even
better than the Simpsons episode that preceded it. However,
I can only give it a B+ due to one little nagging problem.
I really think that Zapp Branigan is being overused. I know
he's a great villain, but the show is not even halfway through
its second season, and he has been used three times (not to
mention a joke about him used in [2ACV01]), whereas villains
with more potential -- such as Mom and Beelzebot -- have not
been seen since their introduction. Not to mention the fact
that Everyone would love to see some NEW villains (the Slug
Queen was a good start, however). However, when all is said
and done, the episode was quite funny and a good watch. (B+)
Craig Wyllie: This is the first Futurama episode that falls
close to my "don't really like" threshold. Just too much
stupid stuff. I know that's a weird statement, but seriously,
I like my sci-fi to have some plausability built into the
storylines and character-plots, as opposed to utterly dripping
with idiocy and implausability. I would like to have seen
Kif stay with the crew (and not be the bore that he is,
didn't like that character development, nor the spinelessness,
although the latter is incharacter with and explains why he
is/was with Zapp for so long). I'd also like to see Zapp
killed off in a deserving, quick fashion. Can't believe
they're using Zapp as much as they have. Yuk.
"Spacer2000": This episode had me smiling through it for 30
minutes and somewhat after. I liked the wealth of aliens in
this episode, it showed Futurama's sci-fi orgins. When it
got to the country chicken lawyer I had to check my pulse
to make sure I didn't die from laughter. The whole Zapp and
Leela confrontation was funny and a bit done but since the
begining was so strong I give this episode an: (A+)
Yours Truly: It was decent. I'm still waiting for, IMO, a truly
hilarious Season Two episode, yet. (B-)
Average Grade: [16/4=4] (B+)
Comments and Other Observations
Something tells me the line in the beginning about watching
cartoons refers to the audience!
Joe Klemm: The ribbon-cutting scissors resemble a pair that is used
at elementary schools.
Timothy Henrik Wille-Jørgensen: It's surprising that Hermes knows
about a thousand-year-old show like Star Trek. But, I guess,
either Star Trek is worshipped as some kind of ludicrously-wrong
kult-kitsch thing by the Y3K generation X (likely) or it didn't
go out of syndication until 2997 (even more likely). [Maybe
Earth learned about it from the Omicronians. -ed]
That old boring rule about jurors having no involvement with
the case seems to have disappeared from DOOP rules. Also, did
anyone else notice the huge satire on the inefficiency of court
proceedings, embodied by the judge?
Only Fry reacts to Leela's admission to having sex with Zapp
Brannigan. (Maybe everyone else already saw the web page.)
Zapp walks away in jerky, kicking steps after 'questioning'
Leela (you can hear the squeaking of the space-age 'oh-it-
can't-be-linoleum-in-the-year-3000' super-squeaky plastic
floor material).
- Lots of things in the year 3000 have bandaids on them, and
linoleum is made from trees, so why not? {jd}
Brian Corvello: The race of The Neutrals is a reference to Star
Trek and its spin-offs: The Federation and the Romulan Empire
agreed to the designation of a "Neutral Zone," an area of space
between their territories which both were forbidden to enter.
Building the space station at the Neutrals' homeworld also
reflects the United Nation's frequent tendency to hold summits
at neutral nations, such as Switzerland or Iceland.
Apparently, Fry and Leela delivering those lugnuts to Chapek 9
[1ACV05] did more good than was previously believed. A Robot
Elder from that planet was on the jury at Zapp's trial, meaning
Chapek 9 has joined DOOP, meaning that the robots there have
made peace with Earth. (Of course, there was no official proof
that Earth is a member of DOOP, but seeing as the human Zapp is
a member, and they are headquartered in New Jersey, it probably
is.) So how come Fry and Leela never got any recognition for
making peace?
Exactly why did Leela keep a child-sized spacesuit on her ship?
Is she moonlighting as a babysitter?
- Farnsworth owns the ship; it could be his. {jd}
Haynes Lee: Amazons are a mythic race of female warriors who cut
off one of their breasts so that they can draw their bows.
Hattie must be a wealthy woman. In [1ACV10], she could afford
a trip on the Titanic, and in this episode, she rides in a limo.
How interesting that Zapp refers to Bender's brain as "the old
noodle."
"glooba:" My nephew spotted "Live Free or Don't" as we watched
last weekend in New Hampshire. ("Live Free or Die" is on the
license plates in NH.) Pretty funny; I assume it was a take-off
on NH.
For some reason, this episode listed Matt Groening and David X.
Cohen seperately in the executive producer credits, and DC got
to go first. Maybe they want to give him more recognition.
Maybe there was a mutiny on the staff. (This tradition lasts
for 6 episodes, ending with [2ACV06].)
Fan-made Alternate Titles for this Episode
"In with the Oaf, Out with the Neutral"
"The Zapp Mutiny" {hl}
Quotes and Scene Summary
[Parts transcribed by Leandro Pardini.]
Fry and Bender are in the Planet Express ship playing futuristic
chess -- a game played on a circular board with holographic pieces
resembling alien creatures. Fry ponders his move, then speaks
aloud:
Fry: Horsie to pointy guy six.
On the board, one of the holograms, an anthropomorphic horse,
approaches a green alien with a pointy hat. The two figures
exchange blows, and the pointy one looks like the winner, until
the horse whips out a knife and stabs his opponent to death.
It kicks the dead body away and assumes the spot.
Fry leans back in his seat and says "Check." Bender ponders the
board for a moment, then points to Fry and yells "Get 'im, boys!"
Half of the holograms leap off of the board and tackle Fry to the
ground, where violent grunts and kicks are heard.
Fry: [Recovering] Good move!
[End of Act One (0:22)]
Back at Planet Express, Fry and Bender are lying in the couch
watching TV, while Leela reads near them. Farnsworth and Hermes
enter, carrying a box.
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further
the noble cause of intergalatic peace.
Bender: Nope. Watching cartoons.
Fry: Sorry.
Leela lifts the couch and throws them out of it, and then turns
to face Farnsworth and Hermes.
Leela: What's the mission?
Farnsworth: It's a delivery for the Democratic Order Of Planets.
Farnsworth points at the package, that has "DOOP" written on it.
Fry: DOOP? What's that?
Farnsworth: It's similiar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.
Fry: [Confused] Uh ...
Hermes: Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program.
Fry: [Realizing] Oh!
Farnsworth: Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new
headquarters.
Leela: What are we delivering?
Farnsworth: Something without which no ribbon cutting ceremony
could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.
Farnsworth takes the scissors off the package and hands them to
Leela.
Leela: We'll get them there as quickly as we can.
Farnsworth: All right, but don't run with them.
The Planet Express ship flies to the New DOOP Headquarters, a big
space station floating in the Neutral Zone. They enter a section of
the station that is separated from the rest, where the ceremony is
proceeding; lots of aliens are are situated around many tables.
Fry: Wow, there's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so
mind-blowing. Ooh, a reception table with muffins!
Excited, Fry runs across the room. The host of the ceremony, a
female of the same species as Kif (named Glab), gives a speech.
There's an alien near her whose skin is gray and never shows any
emotion: the Neutral Planet's president. The ribbon is right behind
them.
Glab: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ribbon cutting ceremony
of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters. A fitting home
for an organization that has fostered peace through all the
universe -- even between the Insectoids and the Space Lizards!
The host points to a section of the room where a Space Lizard is
eating an Insectoid. The lizard realizes everyone is looking at him,
so he spits the insectoid and shakes his hand. The audience applauds.
Meanwhile, Fry is engaged in conversation with a neanderthallish
woman with bulging muscles, who is twice his height.
Fry: So, what's it's like on Planet Amazonia?
Woman: Big rats there. Me crush with club!
Fry: That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each
other over a coffee?
Cut back to the ceremony.
Glab: I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy
than here in orbit around the Neutral Planet. What are
your thoughts on this momentous occasion, your Neutralness?
Neutral: I have no strong feelings one way or the other.
The audience applauds again, except for one man and one alien:
Zapp Brannigan and Kif Kroker.
Zapp: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power?
Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
Zapp: I hate this filthy neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where
they stand; but with neutrals, who knows? It ... sickens me.
Kif: [Groans]
[Deleted Scene (from DVD)]
Bender walks up to the opulent bar and takes a drink from an
opulent bottle, then belches fire. He hears a knocking from inside
his torso, and a Trisolian spills out.
Trisolian: Can't a guy sit at a bar without getting drunk?
[End of Deleted Scene]
Fry, Leela and Bender pass nearby, and Zapp stops them.
Zapp: Halt! Why, Leela ... I do believe we've ... met.
Bender: He means you guys did it.
Leela: If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for
the ribbon cutting.
Zapp: Then you're under arrest!
[He grabs the scissors]
Leela: What for?
Zapp: How do I know this scissors aren't part of neutral plot?
Leela: But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with
them?
Zapp: The yarn people of Nylar 4.
He points at a table of aliens who look like they are made out of
pink yarn. Then he hands the scissors to Kif.
Zapp: So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors
-- how very neutral of you.
Leela: What?
Zapp: It was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing:
rock crushes scissors. [Ponders] But paper covers rock,
and scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum!
Kif: [Groans]
Zapp: Search them for paper ... and bring me a rock.
Kif: [Exasperated] Why?
Zapp leers at Leela.
Zapp: So beautiful ... yet so neutral.
He holds Leela's hands and puts a restraining belt on them, while
Leela looks more and more annoyed. Zapp takes the crew to his ship,
forgetting completely about the ceremony.
Glab: And now, to cut the ribbon, the legendary DOOP captain who
just returned from a triumphant carpet-bombing of Eden Seven,
Zapp Brannigan!
Everyone applauds for some time, until they realize Zapp's not there.
Cut to Zapp's ship, where the crew are tied to their chairs and Zapp
is interrogating them. Kif reminds Zapp that he's supposed to be
cutting the ribbon, and Zapp decides to cut the ribbon from there
with the ship's laser. He activates a machine by the window, sets
it to "HyperdeathTM," and, after successfully cutting the ribbon,
proceeds to burn through the wall of the room, and eventually
through the body of the space station. The whole structure explodes,
sending the assembly room flying into space, while Zapp and Kif
watch safe in their ship, horrified.
Zapp: Whoopsie-daisy.
Cut to the former DOOP headquarters, a big and dilapidated building in
Weehauken, New Jersey, where Zapp Brannigan's court-martialing trial
is being held. Glab is presiding as judge and the prosecutor is a
giant blue hyper-chicken. Zapp pleads "Absolutely 99% not guilty."
Glab: The prosecutor will call his first witness.
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from
a backwoods asteroid but if it please the court I
reckon I'll call the entire jury.
Glab: I'm going to allow this.
Prosecutor: Members of the jury, did y'all happen to catch a
gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters?
[They point at Zapp.]
Juror #1: [Simultaneously] That's the guy, right there.
Juror #2: [Simultaneously] Oh yeah, right there.
Small Glermo #1: [Simultaneously] That one.
Prosecutor: And are y'all gonna vote to convict him?
Neptunian: [Simultaneously] You'd better believe it.
Juror #1: [Simultaneously] You bet.
Glab: [Banging gavel] The jury is instructed to
disregard its own testimony.
Glab announces that she will dismiss all charges. Leela, who is
watching from the audience, objects, and testifies in front of
the court that she saw Zapp blow up headquarters with her own
eye. After a bumbling cross-examination of her by Zapp, the
jury spends five seconds discussing the case, and declares him
guilty. After Glab announces that he is stripped of his rank
and dishonorably discharged, a tear comes to Zapp's eye and he
strolls somberly down the aisle to the exit. Before leaving, he
makes one final statement to the courtroom:
Zapp: My friends, you can take away a man's title and his
uniform, but you can never take his integrity or his
honor. Plus, it was mostly Kif's fault.
Kif: What?
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank, and
dishonorably discharged!
Poor Kif attemps to say something in his defense, but he just gets
tongue-tied. Finally, he groans.
[End of Act Two (7:25)]
Zapp and Kif, in civilian clothes, exit the old DOOP headquarters.
Zapp laments their fate.
Zapp: One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a
$400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.
It makes you think.
Kif: No, it doesn't.
Zapp: Come, Kif. It's time to begin our life as civilians.
[Zapp walks away, Kif remains standing.]
Zapp: That's an order, soldier!
[Kif follows him.]
With the song "Everybody's Talkin'" as background music, they wander
the streets, beg for money (Kif dances while Zapp collects their change)
and finally sell their bodies on the street. Hattie, the landlady,
chooses Kif over Zapp.
Meanwhile, at Planet Express, Fry and Bender are scrubbing the side
of the ship under Leela's supervision. Fry drenches Bender with a
hose; in reply, Bender tosses a wet sponge at him, but Fry ducks and
the sponge hits Leela in the eye.
Leela: All right ... this is the third hose fight I've broken up
today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your
lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to!
Fry: You don't have to get so mad, Leela.
Bender: Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.
Along the side of the ship, a picture of Leela yelling "Yak, Yak, Yak"
is drawn in the dirt. Leela leaves to answer the doorbell and finds
Zapp and Kif outside wearing rags, with bloodshot eyes and bearded
chins. Zapp pleads for her help, and she is about to turn him away
when Professor Farnsworth intervenes, and decides it would be a good
idea to hire a disgraced starship caption because "having him on
board would distract people from our horrendous safety records."
Cut to the conference table. Zapp and Kif, both clean-shaven and
nicely dressed, are sitting with the others, while Hermes stands
next to the Professor.
Farnsworth: I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh ...
[To Hermes] Which ones are new?
Hermes: The green dude and the fat man.
Farnsworth: Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before,
either.
Bender: I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal.
Farnsworth: Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.
[He shrugs to Hermes.]
Anyway, whoever you all are, I have good news!
You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos 4, a planet
with such high gravity you'll most likely be crushed
under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!
[Deleted Scene (from DVD)]
Hermes: I gave the new gents my delivery aptitude test. Kif
Kroker, your score qualifies you as First Mate.
Zapp: That's one Hell of an accurate test!
Hermes: And Zapp Brannigan, your score qualifies you as an
Assistant Delivery Boy, Second Class.
Zapp: [Blinks, looks side to side.] Hmm. I guess I'll have
to sleep my way to the top. Kif! Wake me when I'm there.
[He settles into his chair to sleep.]
[End of Deleted Scene]
The Planet Express ship flies to Stumbos 4, with Leela at the helm;
Kif is with her. In the cargo bay, Bender and Fry are playing poker,
while Zapp walks around.
Zapp: So, this Leela ... I know she's a very sensuous woman,
but what matter of Captain is she?
Fry: She's really strict.
Bender: And mean.
Zapp: I see. Does she by any chance give the crew members
spankings?
Fry: No, she just makes us do work and stuff.
Zapp: Good, good. But, should she ever institute some sort
of bare-bottom spanking policy, let me go in your place.
I won't have my comrades harmed.
Bender: Hey, this guy's alright!
Bender gets three beers out of his chest cavity, and shares them.
Zapp: Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man ... even if he
is a hot, sexy, female man.
They drink, while the ship enters orbit. In the bridge, Kif stands
at Leela's side.
Kif: I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain.
Leela: Thanks, Kif. Very nice work.
Kif: [Groans] Wait ... what?
Leela: I said, "Very nice work."
[Kif is shocked. Then he smiles.]
Kif: This is the happiest day of my life!
[He hugs a surprised Leela.]
As the ship lands, rather clumsily due to the high gravity, Leela
outlines their mission in the cargo bay. Fry, Zapp and Bender are
to deliver 40 pillows to a hotel up the hill.
Bender: They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaining.
Leela: They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump;
but once you get on on the surface the gravity will be very
intense.
Fry: Hey, no prob! This lead apron will protect me!
[Leela unfastend the apron, which falls off of him.]
Leela: I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly, and just
deliver one pillow at a time.
[She exits the cargo bay.]
Bender: Hey, here's an idea: let's deliver all the pillows at once.
Fry: Yeah!
Zapp: That's using the old noodle.
The cargo bay's elevator lowers to the surface, with the three guys
and the hover dolly, stuffed to the gills with pillows. The high
gravity pulls Fry, Bender, and Zapp to the ground.
Zapp: Come on girdle ... hol-l-ld ... [Zapp's girdle bursts.]
After pushing the pillows onto the surface, the dolly immediately
collapses and breaks down. Leela and Kif step off the gangplank;
Leela's hair flattens, and Kif is squished to the ground.
Leela: What the hell happened?!
Bender: Some breaking occured. The dolly was involved. That's
about all we know.
Leela: I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those
pillows weights 150 pounds here.
Fry: All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just
use the backup dolly.
Bender: I'll start loading up the pillows.
Leela: No way, Jack! You disobeyed an order so now you'll have
to deliver all 40 pillows by hand.
Zapp: Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company
that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a
friend of mine ...
Leela: Just get to work!
Zapp, Fry and Bender are each dragging a pillow across the lawn to the
hotel, complaining. In the ship, Leela is bored stiff, listening to Kif.
Kif: The point is, it's just so humiliating working for that
man. Once, he actually ordered me to ... shave his armpits
while he was in the bathtub. So, I said ...
Leela: Y'know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for
a while?
Kif: Oh alright. Um, well, how 'bout then um ... [Pause.]
Okay, well, there he was in the tub, alright?
Leela: [sighs.]
High-gravity rain starts falling on the planet surface, and the three
boys head for cover under a large rock.
Bender: This is all Leela's fault.
Fry: Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly, we could have
broken it, given up and gone home by now.
Zapp: You know, boys, a good captain needs many skills, such as
boldness, daring and a valour uniform. And I'm not convinced
Leela has any of those things.
Fry: Oh, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us
work so much.
Zapp: Back when I was captain, all I asked from my men was
their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared
they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their
underpants.
Bender: [Dreamily] Beer?
Fry: [Dreamily] Underpants?
[Deleted Scene (from DVD)]
Fry, Bender, and Zapp drag their first three pillows to the
Stumbos Inn ("Featuring Heavy German Cuisine"). The proprietor
tips them with three large, heavy coins.
[End of Deleted Scene]
Back to the ship, where Leela is still enduring conversation with Kif.
Kif: But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free!
[Laughs] Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing!
[In comes Fry, Bender and Zapp.]
Fry: This is a mutiny!
Kif: [Sighs]
Bender: You're outta here, lady! Zapp's the new captain.
[Zapp handcuffs Leela.]
Fry: All hail the new captain!
[Fry opens a beer and lets his pants fall off.]
Underpants achieved.
[End of Act Three (6:58)]
The ship is now leaving Stumbos 4, with Leela still in handcuffs and
Zapp in the pilots' seat.
Zapp: Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty, but I'm
forced to relieve you of your post.
Leela: On what grounds, you slobbering oaf?
Zapp: Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig.
Fry: We don't have a brig.
Zapp: Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter
be referred to as the brig.
Bender and Fry follow the orders; as they leave her in the laundry
room, she looks sadly at them.
Leela: You really don't want me to be captain anymore?
Bender: You got it, genius.
Leela: But ... didn't I do a good job?
Fry: You were mean, and you yelled, and you made us do all
that work.
Leela: Sometimes a captain needs to do those things. Besides,
I thought we were friends.
Fry: Yeah, well, you shouldn't been such a mean captain, then.
Bender: Don't worry Leela, soon we'll be able to look back on
this and laugh. [Leaves, laughing]
Back on the bridge, Zapp is wearing his ill-fitting DOOP uniform.
Zapp: Back in my old uniform, and it nearly still fits.
Even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.
Kif: What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir?
Zapp: Take them to the laundry brig.
Kif leaves.
Zapp: So, do I have your loyalty, men?
Bender: To the ends of the universe!
Fry: Ten hundred percent!
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around
and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif here.
Bender: Yes sir, sir!
He gives Fry and Bender a beer. Kif comes back and sees them.
Kif: Um, may I have a beer, sir?
Zapp: No. You're loyal enough already.
Zapp: I have a plan. We will single handedly attack our arch-enemy,
the Neutral Planet!
Kif: Oh, geeze.
Zapp: Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins, I'll be a hero
again, and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain!
Kif: But, sir ... that plan makes no sense.
Zapp: Maybe not to you, Kif, but if I recall correctly you were
court-martialed in disgrace!
Fry: Oohhhh, burn!
Bender: Nailed you, buddy.
Later ...
Zapp: Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and
neutral.
Fry: This is awesome. We're gonna be, like ... Pow! Pow! Pow!
And they're gonna be, like ... Aaaaaa!! KABOOM!!! And
then we'll have pancakes to celebrate, and I'll be, like ...
[Makes a muffled chewing noise.]
Zapp: Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and
honorable, we'll call the Neutral president with a message
of peace, then blast him.
Bender: Yes, sir, sirdy sir sirsir!
Zapp: Fly the white flag of war!
A white flag is raised on top of the ship. At the Neutral Capitol,
Neutropolis, the Neutral president is receiving Zapp's transmission.
The president's secretary stands beside him.
Zapp: This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship ... Planet Express
Ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace.
Assistant: Should we trust him, your neutralness?
President: All I know is, my gut says maybe.
Back in the ship, Zapp cuts the transmission.
Bender: What now, chief?
Zapp: Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters, killing them
in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape.
Fry: Good, good ... then what?
Zapp: Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have
ejected to safety, wearing the only spacesuit on board.
Fry and Bender get up of their seats, cheering. They high-five each
other, then have a realization.
Fry: Wait a second, is this plan gonna kill us?
Zapp: Of course! What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help
me into the only spacesuit. It looks a bit sweaty in there,
so you may need to apply baby powder.
Bender and Fry rush into the laundry room, where Leela is folding
towels and Kif is measuring detergent for the washing machine.
Fry: Leela! We want you to be captain again!
Leela: Let me guess, he cancelled naptime?
[They shake their heads.]
Leela: He ran out of beer?
[They shake their heads.]
Leela: So he's about to kill us?
[They nod.]
Cut to the bridge; Zapp is already in his spacesuit, when Fry, Leela,
Bender and Kif enter.
Fry: We want Leela to be captain again!
Zapp: So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.
Come, Kif, let's eject. I found a childrens' spacesuit you can
wear.
Kif: Well, to be honest sir, I'd rather stay here with Captain
Leela. She actually listens to what I have to ...
Leela slams Kif's helmet over him before he can finish, and Zapp has
him in the suit in another second. Kif tires of struggling, then
allows Zapp to carry him out of the room, and a few moments later
they are seen floating out into space. Leela assumes the controls of
the ship, but finds that Zapp has disabled the steering, and the ship
is on a collision course. Without panicking, Leela takes control.
Leela: Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what
I say as captain?
Fry: Absolutely.
Leela: Even if I make you work hard?
Bender: With your god as my witness.
Leela: Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and put all the
dark matter into the left engine!
Bender: [Whining] Aww, man, that crap's heavy.
Fry: [Whining] And warm.
Leela: [Angrily] Just do it!
The ship is tearing through the planet's atmosphere at break-neck
speeds. In the Neutral Capitol, the president's assistent rushes
in with news of the imminent crash.
Assistant: Your Neutralness! It's a beige alert!
President: If I don't survive, tell my wife "hello."
In the ship, Bender and Fry are working in the engine room. Leela
is communicating with them by televideo.
Leela: Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25.
Bender: Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.
They reach the left engine's Dark Matter Containment Chamber. Fry
uses Bender's leg as a jacklift to lift the hover dolly up to the
window, and they drop all the dark matter inside. A flame boils up,
and outside, the left side of the ship's propulsion system flares up
and steers the ship to the side. It barely misses the planet, then
circles around and flies back into space. They all cheer.
Fry: And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!
At DOOP headquarters, Zapp is explaining his case to the judge ...
Zapp: And, so, when captain Leela panicked, perhaps distracted
by female troubles, my quick thinking allowed me to do
whatever I did to save the day.
Glab: Captain Leela, is this rambling story of magic and
heroism true?
Leela: Well, actually ...
Prof.: [To Leela] That a girl! If they don't take him back,
we can keep him as captain!
Leela: [Swiftly] Your honor, it's all true. My female
incompetence ... Zapp's catlike reflexes ... the stuff
that made no sense ... all of it!
Glab: In that case, Zapp Brannigan, I hereby restore your rank
and parking privileges.
The audience cheers. Prof. Farnsworth yells "Oh, poo." Fry hugs
Bender and high-fives Leela. Zapp approaches Kif holding a shaving
razor, explaining they've got "work to do." Kif promises Leela that
he'll call her and tell her about it, then leaves.
Back at Planet Express, Fry and Bender are washing the ship again.
Fry: Leela, I just want you to know that even though you're mean,
you're the best captain ever.
Leela: [Smiles]
Bender: Yeah, you're one dynamite babe. Can we have the week off?
Leela: No!
Fry: Please ... ?
Bender: Come on, captain.
[They look at her with puppy-dog eyes.]
Leela: Well ... all right.
The Professor walks in, yells "No time off!" and leaves again.
[End of Act Four (6:31)]
Contributors
Capsule originally authored by Jordan Eisenberg.
{an} Andrashar
{bc} Brian Corvello
{cw} Craig Wyllie
{da} David Antonoff
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dt} Dan Tropea
{hl} Haynes Lee
{jd} Jym Dyer
{jk} Joe Klemm
{jw} John Wasser
{mk} Mike Konczewski
{rc} Rick Carlson
{sp} "Spacer2000"
{thw} Timothy Henrik Wille-Jørgensen
{zz} Zachary Zulkowski