============================================================================
Insane in the Mainframe Written by Bill Odenkirk
Directed by Peter Avanzino
============================================================================
Production code: 3ACV11 Original Airdate on FOX: 08-Apr-2001
TV Guide synopsis:
Fry serves with Bender at an asylum for robots after both plead
insanity to avoid conviction for a bank robbery they didn't commit.
==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Opening theme promotion:
Bender's Humor by
Microsoft Joke
Opening theme cartoon:
==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
Joe Klemm
... the courthouse seal has an eagle holding mallets?
... By 3000, the U.S. Constitution has 67 Amendments?
Johannes Lempp
... the cover of Hermes' book with the mandatory speech reads
"Minimum Obligations Manual"?
... the statue of the fortuna goddess in front of the court is
holding two pizzas in her hands instead of a libra and a sword?
... the judge's cell-phone plays Mozart's 'Eine kleine Nachtmusik'?
... the birds flying in a circle over the "HAL Institute for
criminally insane robots"?
... Bender and Roberto had to break through five walls in order to
escape?
==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth, Nixon)
- Katey Sagal (Leela)
- John DiMaggio (Bender, Norm)
- Tress MacNeille (Nurse Ratchet, CIA cafeteria announcer, Surveillance
camera, bank teller)
Guest Starring
- Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad, Unit 2013)
- David Herman (Roberto)
- Lauren Tom (Amy Wong)
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche (Chicken Lawyer)
==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
+ "One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest" (Movie)
- several Robot Asylum scenes are a reference to that movie
- Nurse Ratchet is a reference to Nurse Ratched from the movie. Her
"haistyle" is also modeled after the movie version.
+ "Insane in the Brain" (Song by Cypress Hill)
- Episode Title is a reference to the lycrics of the song,
specifically "Insane in the membrane" {JL}
+ "2001: A Space Odyssey" (Movie)
- HAL INSTITUTE is a reference to HAL computer than went insane in the
movie
+ Lucille Ball Urban Legend
- Robot with teeth that pick up CIA transmittions {JK}
+ Alice In Wonderland (Book)
- Mad Hatter Bot {JK}
+ 3 in one brand oil.
- Pi-in-1 oil {WK}
+ "The Star Diaries" (novel by Stanislaw Lem, 1971)
- Fry's stay in the robot asylum reminds of the chapter
'The Sanitorium of Dr. Vliperdius'. {JL}
- Also "Perceptron" is mentioned "Professor A. Donda"
==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Hyperchicken Lawyer makes a repeat appearance
- [3ACV05], [2ACV02]
- Malfunctioning Eddie and Victor reappear
- [2ACV07]
- Hairbot reappears
- [3ACV04]
- Fry has to deal with his bank account
- [1ACV06]
- Bender meets a robot friend from former times {JL}
- [1ACV02], [1ACV09], [1ACV11]
- Bender doesn't care about crime straight next to him {JL}
- [2ACV13], [2ACV16]
- Bender and cooking {JL}
- [1ACV04], [1ACV07], [1ACV12], [2ACV01], [2ACV13], [2ACV15]
- Fry seen naked {JL}
- [1ACV01], [1ACV03], [2ACV03], [2ACV05]
- Bender's mechanical insides {JL}
- [1ACV13]
==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
Sign on Big Apple Bank:
COUNTERFEIT MONEY?
ASK ABOUT OUR
"PHONEY BALONEY"
ACCOUNT
Outside Robot Insane Asylum:
HAL
INSTITUTE
FOR CRIMINALLY
INSANE
ROBOTS
Plaque on Dr. Perceptron office:
Dr. Perceptron
DOCTOR OF
FREUDIAN
CIRCUT ANALYSIS
Note on the wall in Asylum:
You Don't
Have to
Be Crazy to
Mutter to
Yourself
Here
But it Helps
In the visitor room:
WELCOME VISITORS
GIBBERISH TRANSLATORS AVAILABLE
==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
Johannes Lempp
After offering the others the sandwiches, Fry's pants are suddenly
zipped up.
Why would a robot write something on paper, even with a pen? (cf
Perceptron)
Leela seems to unscrew the nut in the wrong direction.
==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary {}
==============================================================================
% The episode begins with a "commercial"
% Fry, Bender and Leela as heroes in an oval.
Announcer: Futurama is brought to you by... [change to a man with large teeth]
Thompson's teeth. The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth
[The man scoops a spoon of teeth from a bowl and crushes them with
his own]
% Regular inro.
%
% View of Planet Express building from water. Inside.
Prof.: Good new, everyone! Today marks our dear friend Dr. Zoidberg's tenth
year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order.
Everyone: [Unenthusiastically] Huzzah.
Zoidberg: Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!
Hermes: I will now read the mandatory speech. [Opens book] Dear Employee:
Has it really been five, ten, or 15 years? If not, please disregard
this, and get back to work. Distribute token of appreciation and
applaud.[Applauds lazily]
Zoidberg: [Opens envelope] Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the
price of one. Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah,
the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of
patients' bodies.
Herems: Yes. Yes. Now here's your pension statement. [Zoidberg looks at
his pension statement, which has zeros everywhere] It's empty, because
you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug.
Zoidberg: You kept track of it all these years.[Sniffles and hugs Hermes.
Hermes tries to push him away]
Fry: Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll
I do when I retire?
Bender: I thought you were retired.
Fry: Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age.
Bender: I got plans. I'm going to turn my on/off switch to off.
Fry: Well, I'm going to take action. It's time to check on my retirement
fund. [Digs into his sock and takes out $100 bill] Damn! Still only
$100.
Franklin: [From the bill] A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get
some athletes foot cream for my face?
Fry: He's right. I've got to start investing wisely.
% Cut to 7^11.
Fry: Well, down to my last lottery ticket. [Scratches "WHIFF N-WIN",
stiffs] Cherry. [Scratches, sniff] Cherry! [Scratches, sniffs] Mule.
Crud!
Bender: So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.
% Cut to Big Apple Bank.
Teller: You are opening a retirement account for $6.00? I'm sure a wealthy...
[sniffs] mule farmer like yourself is aware that we charge a $10
monthly fee.
Fry: You got to spend money to make money.
Teller: [Types on the computer] Here you are, sir. Your account is now
overdrawn by $4.00.
Robot in
line: Geez, I've seen lines move faster in a sperm bank.
Bender: That's for sure... [Turns around] Roberto, is that you?
Roberto: Bender! Hey, man! [Punches Bender in the stomach several times, then
once in the head]
Bender: [Stops his spinning head] Ha-ha! You old lunatic, how you been?
Roberto: Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup!
[People scatter and fall to the floor. Fry hides behind the plant]
Bender: Yeah, I'm doing okay, too. I'm taking a Chinese cooking class at the
Learning Annex.
Roberto: Cool. Can you give me a hand here?
Bender: Sure thing, pal.
Roberto: Hey, you, Red! [Cuts off the top of the plant revealing Fry hiding
behind it] Quit watering that plant and get the door! [Fry runs to
do that]
Bender: Well, nice talking to you.
Roberto: Same here. You guys are all right. Here's something for your trouble.
[Hands them two bags of money]
Bender: Hey... thanks, buddy!
% Sirens blare and a bunch of police arrive. Cops jump Fry and Bender,
% bring them down and cuff them.
Human cop: Freeze, punks! You're under arrest.
Nixon: [From the $1000 bill] Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're
not looking!
% In the courtroom.
Bailiff: Court is in session. The Honorable Judge Whitey presiding.
Judge: The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy-chauffeur informs me that
a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly
invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most
heinous of crimes - theft of money.
Chicken
Laywer: As the surveillance camera for that bank what all the judge was
a-jawing about could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of
the crime?
Camera: Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy but it went exactly like
this. [Projects a hologram of Roberto handing bags of money to Fry
and Bender. Everyone gasps]
Chicken: Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred for introducing this evidence
against my own clients. [Pecks on his wing] Uh, Mr. Fry... do you
recognize the robot a-hugging on you in this here hologram?
Fry: I sure do. That's the real robber and I'll never forget his name as
long as I live and that name is... [Gasps. Sees Roberto is in the
courtroom, disguised with a beard threatening him with a knife. Fry
chokes on his words and start coughing]
Leela: Fry, just give a name. You don't want to look stupid on Court TV.
Fry: You're right. You're right. It was...
% Classic music plays on somebody's cell phone. It's judge Whitey's cellphone.
% He picks up.
Judge: Yes. What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh. It's for you. [
hands the phone to Fry]
Roberto: [On the phone] And the other hamburger will also be made of your
lungs. So long, pal.
Fry: I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up
into a patty.
Jufge: Ah, the 67th Amendment.
Chicken: I may be a simple country hyper-chicken but I know when we're
finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity?
Bender: A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standing on my
head.
Chicken: If you start now, it might help our case.
Judge: Counselor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of
insanity?
Chicken: Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.
Judge: Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender... I hereby commit you to the
Asylum for Criminally Insane Robots until such time as you are
deemed cured.
Bender: Yahoo! The system fails again!
Judge: And Mr. Fry... I sentence you to the Home for Criminally Insane
Humans.
Bailiff: Your Honor, that facility has been full ever since you ruled that
being poor is a mental illness.
Judge: Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about are the
people who tend to my pores at the spa. Just send them both to the
robot loony bin and let's go. [Stands up and leaves]
% Bailiffs wrap Fry and Bender in bubble wrap, put a stamp "DEFECTIVE
% ELECTRONICS" on Fry's forehead, stick them in a box and seal it. They start
% rolling it.
Fry: Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!
Prof.: Keep your chin up!
Fry: Ow, my chin!
% [End of Act One. Act Time: 6:30 Running Time: 6:30]
% In Robots Insane Asylum
% Robots are transported on a long conveyor belt. Fry and Bender are among
% them.
Fry: I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane ROBOTS.
Bender: Well, you meet HALF the qualifications. [Laughs]
Fry: Oh, good! A physical. Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body
they'll see I'm not a... [His clothes are sucked off of him]
% Further on conveyor. Bender is picked up by a magnet and transported up
% a floor.
Bender: Whee! He-he-he.
Fry: [Gets hit repeatedly by a magnet] Ooo! Eee! Ugh! Aah!
% A drill makes a hole in the side of Bender's head. He hums nonchalantly.
% Fry sees the approaching drill, screams, but manages to catch the drill with
% his mouth.
% Under Gamma ray scan Bender's inside show a bunch of gears and a bat flying
% around. Bender keeps humming. Fry's inside show normal human interior. The
% liquid in his stomach starts to boil.
Fry: What the...? [Burps]
Bender: I find that offensive!
% At Dr. Perceptron office Fry falls out of the hatch in the ceiling.
% He weakly gets up.
Perceptron: Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help
you relax. [Pushes a button and two coils zap Fry]
Fry: [Screams] Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being.
See? I am all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.
Perceptron: Yes. You do. You need to relax more. [Pushes the button again]
Fry: Ow!
Perceptron: Terrific. Now consider the following: you were admitted to this
robot asylum, therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.
[Shuts off]
Fry: [Grabs his arm] I do other human stuff. I age. See? [Points at his
face]
% Door opens, a robotic nurse rolls in.
Nurse: I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?
% She shoots a straitjacket on a cable, which catches Fry. She then pulls
% Fry toward herself with clicking ratchet sounds.
% Later, she transports Fry down the corridor.
Nurse: We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning
Eddie.
Fry: The car dealer? Wow! I guess his prices really were insane.
Nurse: He's very excitable [Releases Fry and opens the door to a room] so
don't say anything to surprise him.
% The room is a small closet with padded walls. Malfunction Eddie is inside,
% smoking. Fry gets in.
Eddie: Pleased to meet you.
Fry: Actually, we've met once before.
Eddie: What?! [Explodes]
% Fry, stunned and blackened from explosion, still holds Eddie's hand.
%
% Later in the ward. Bender walks across the room. Several insane robots
% are in the room.
Hairbot: [Brushes his hair] I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.
% Bender walks to Fry who's sitting on a couch.
Bender: Oh, someone had a busy day.
Fry: My roommate exploded. Oh, you've got to help me, Bender. How can I
prove I'm human?
Bender: You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.
Fry: I don't wanna!
Robot: Hey, man, I believe you're a human.
Fry: You do?
Robot: Sure! They don't believe I'm a human, either. Name's Unit 2013. Come
on. Let me introduce you around. [They walk up to a sitting robot]
Fry, meet Norm. How's it going, pal? Still picking up transmissions
from the CIA on your teeth?
Norm: They just won't stop. [Opens his mouth showing teeth with small
satellite dishes attached to each]
Woman: The CIA cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows: Monday:
Shepherd's Pie. Tues... [He closes his mouth. 2013 makes a cuckoo
gesture]
% They further walk to Lincoln bot sitting in a chair.
Fry: Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln.
2013: Well, he's supposed to. Problem is he's got multiple personalities -
ALL of 'em Lincoln.
% Lincoln stands up.
Lincoln: I was born in 200 log cabins.
% They walk to the lunchroom
2013: And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker so
they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is work in the lunchroom,
Frankie?
Frankie: It's all right.
2013: Poor Frankie.
% Frankie pours some oil to Fry's tray. Fry goes to sit down next to Lincoln.
Mad Hatter
bot: Change places! [Everyone changes places. Fry gets pushed repeatedly]
Fry: Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want out of here.
Bender: What, are you crazy? This place is great. Electro-shock whenever you
want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. [Eats his oil] Ah! Sweet
light crude! [Takes a bill out of nearby vending machine robot and
wipes his mouth with it]
Fry: But I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having discs crammed into
me unless they're Oreos, and then only in the mouth. Don't you
understand? I'm gonna die here!
Bender: Ah, quit your bellyaching and take it like a robot.[Fry snarls in
anger]
Mad Hatter
bot: Change places!
% Everyone changes places pushing Fry in the process again, splashing his oil on
% him.
%
% To the visitor room.
%
% Victor is visiting Malfunctioning Eddie
Victor: The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding
problem.
Eddie: Well, the way I see it... [Explodes]
% At the next table Leela, professor, Amy and Hermes are visiting Fry and
% Bender. Bender is wearing a Napoleon hat. Eddie's arm lands on the table.
% Fry sweeps it off.
Fry: You got to get me out of here. I would have starved to death if not
for that sick vending machine robot.
% Vending robot coughs, spitting out a candybar.
Fry: Gimme! Gimme! [Dives for the candybar. Eats it ravenously]
Hermes: Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.
Leela: We're all trying to help you. We petitioned the governor but he
doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.
Fry: At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.
Bender: Je suis Napoleon! Heh-heh-heh. No, seriously, I'm not.
Amy: Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual!
Bender: Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just trying to get through a difficult
time using humor.
Nurse: Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication discs.
% Everyone gets up and start walking away.
Fry: [Grabs professor's coat] Help me! For God's sake, help me!
Prof.: Oh, don't worry, Fry. I too once spent a nightmarish time in a robot
asylum but now it's nearly over. So long!
% They leave.
%
% Outside of the asylum. It's night. Crickets chirp at increasing frequency.
% Fry in his room with Eddie. Eddie's sleeping.
Fry: [Mutters deliriously] 30 days hath September, April, June...
Where's the peanut butter... What am I going to do?
% A grinding noise is heard.
Fry: [Panics] Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?
% Door opens. Nurse Ratchet and Dr. Perceptron are outside.
Perceptron: You are being released.
Fry: Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice!
Perceptron: Not you, him.
Eddie: Me? What a surprise! [Fry covers himself in expectation of an
explosion. A tiny explosion occurs on Eddie's shoulder] Look. I
barely exploded at all.
Perceptron: We can control that with medication.
Nurse: Fry, are we ready to meet our new roommate?
% An assistant brings over a metal box. It's docked to Fry's room. The
% separating door opens. It's Roberto.
Fry: Ah!
Roberto: Hi, Red!
Fry: Roberto! Wh-what are you doing here?
Roberto: I got busted robbing that bank again.
Fry: Why would you hold up the same bank twice?
Roberto: Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.
What's the matter, you scared?
Fry: N-n-n...
Roberto: Noticeably? I'll say. Now stand back, I got to practice my stabbing.
% Starts stabbing randomly with a knife. Fry dodges in terror.
Fry: No! Please! Help! Stop it! Please!
Bender: [Knocks on the wall] Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tuning my
banjo! [Starts playing it]
Roberto: Geez, Red, quit cowering! You call yourself a robot? [Continues
stabbing]
Fry: I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! A-a-a-ah!
% In Asylum. All of Planet Express staff (minus Fry and Scruffy) in Dr.
% Perceptron's office.
Perceptron: In answer to your question, Hermes, yes, your friend is cured.
Everyone: Oh! Wow! My God.
Perceptron: You will notice, he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.
Fry: [Walks in] Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep,
beep...[Everyone gasps]
Leela: You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine.
Oh, Fry! [Grabs Fry and clasps his to her bosom. Fry starts
beeping faster]
% Bender passes in a doorway, being pushed by nurse ratchet in a wheelchair.
Bender: [Sings, playing banjo] Gonna sing a little tale about a battle called
Waterloo... Bonjour, y'all!
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: 7:19 Running Time: 13:49]
% At Planet Express. Fry is sitting on the table, everyone around him.
Zoidberg: Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot doesn't
make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor but that doesn't
MAKE me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.
Fry: Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to
date me?
Leela: [Brushes his hair with her hand] Oh, lots of reasons.
Fry: Bio Units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest
sandwiches from my compartments. [Takes out several sandwiches from
his pants and offers them. Everyone backs away in disgust]
% Back in the asylum.
% Bender tunes Norm's teeth.
Bender: Here we go... Just a minute... Aha!
Announcer: And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa followed by
Perennial Loser. And bringing up the rear it's Lastie.
Bender: Come on, Lastie!
Roberto: Hey, Bender.
Bender: Roberto. Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here. That's because I
didn't squeal on you, remember? Remember all that squealing I
didn't do? Remember? Do you?
Roberto: Yeah, yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up.
Bender: Uh, sure, anything for you, buddy. [Lies down on a hover-stretcher.
Laughs nervously]
% Roberto looks around, spots Dr. Perceptron passing by.
Roberto: Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.
% Walks after Dr. Perceptron. Banging, crashing and yelling is heard. He
% returns wearing Perceptron's helmet and body cover and starts pushing the
% stretcher, crashing through walls.
% Bender half-opens his eye cover and peeks.
Bender: Uh, what's with the getup?
Roberto: I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinking of escaping. You in, or do I got
to kill you so you don't squeal?
Bender: I'm in! I'm in! [Laughs nervously] So when were you planning to
break out?
Roberto: [Already outside] I'm thinking... maybe a few seconds ago. [Siren
blares]
Bender: [Hops off the stretcher] Quick! Let's keep escaping!
% They both run. Guards give dogs a handful of nuts and bolts to pick up the
% smell. Dogs sniff them and go. Bender and Roberto reach a river. They jump
% into the boat, but fall right through it. Later, they run into a barn. A
% plane flies out of it, makes a loop and crashes back into the barn. Roberto
% and Bender run out of it and proceed on foot.
%
% Back at Planet Express. Hermes at his table.
Hermes: Times two... carry the one... [Pushes a button labeled "carry The
One"]
Fry: [Walks in] Oh, you sad, worthless human. [Grabs the calculator and
throws it into the incinerator]
Hermes: Secret Hog of Prague! That was by anniversary gift to La Barbara.
Fry: Fear not, for I shall assist ye!
Hermes: Robots don't say "ye."
Fry: Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs.
What is the meaning of this symbol? [Points at the paper]
Hermes: That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinking you're a
robot!
Fry: I'll show ye!
% Leela is working on the ship. She tries to unscrew a nut. It won't budge.
% She drops some "Pi in 1" oil on it. Fry walks up, takes the wrench from her
% and throws it into the incinerator.
Fry: Stand back. I'm a toolbot.
% Tries to unscrew the nut with his hands. It doesn't work. He takes "Pi in 1"
% oil can from Leela and oils his elbow, then puts the can in his breast
% pocket. Then he continues trying to unscrew the nut.
Leela: You're not a toolbot. You're not a foodmotron. You're not a robot of
any kind.
Fry: Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.
[Keeps trying]
Leela: Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity
the way only a woman can.
Prof.: You're going to do his laundry? [Amy slaps him in the face]
Leela: Fry, this is for you.
% She gives him a long kiss. Romantic music starts. Fry smiles. The music
% picks up. Leela looks at him. The music stops.
Fry: Beep.
Leela: Oh, for God's sake!
% Fry is sitting on the couch drinking bottle after bottle of beer. Zoidberg
% walks by.
Zoidberg: By a scallop's forelocks! What's with all the beer, Fry?
Fry: Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I...[Burps,
falls on the couch, knocking it over, and falls asleep]
% To Bender and Roberto walking on the street.
Roberto: Thanks for helping me escape, Bender.
Bender: Aw, it was nothing.
Roberto: It was not nothing! I want to repay you. Let me get you something
in here. [Walks in Big Apple Bank] Hands up! This is a stickup
again!
Bender: Wow, hitting the same place three times? I admire your style,
Roberto.
Roberto: [To teller] Give me the remaining dough. And all the calendars. And
that pen. Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end.
Cops: [Standing up from behind the counter] Police, you're busted. And
don't try anything. This glass here is laserproof.
% Roberto stabs his knife through the glass. Cops back up.
Human cop: Fire lasers. [Lasers bounce off the glass] Duck lasers!
% Roberto rips the glass out, grabs the cash and the pen.
Bender: Come on, I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.
% Cops stand up from the counter and start shooting. Bender and Roberto run
% away. Lasers bounce off the glass that is hanging on Roberto's arm.
%
% Back at Planet Express
%
% Everyone gathered around Fry, who's sleeping peacefully.
Amy: Aw, he looks like a little, insane, drunken angel.
% Door opens, Roberto and Bender run in, panting.
Bender: Hi, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.
Hermes: Hey, man.
Roberto: Nice to meet you...
Cops: [From the outside] Come out with your hands up!
Roberto: hostages!
% Sirens blare, a bunch of police cars surround Planet Express
Roberto: Back off! I got hostages! [Grabs Zoidberg]
Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm helping.
Human cop: Do you have any better hostages?
Roberto: To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you?
[Pokes the knife at professor, nicking him]
Prof.: Ouch. That's going to bleed when my heart beats.
Leela: Wait, take me first.
Bender: Yes, take her first.
Roberto: Shut up. Stop telling me how to do this.
% Later. Everyone is tied up together.
Amy: Shikes!
Leela: Oh, please.
Prof.: I'm too old for this.
Zoidberg: Oh, the fear.
Roberto: I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die
first. Go.
Bender: Um, okay... fifty... six... ish.
Roberto: Fifty-six? Fifty-six?! Aw, man, now that's all I can think about!
I'm going to kill you... you no-good 56in'...!
% Starts stabbing Bender. Bender dodges.
Bender: Don't kill me yet. I'm starting to come down with Stockholm
Syndrome... handsome.
Fry: [Gets up from behind the couch] Halt, fellow robot.
Roberto: Hey, Red. You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which
side you want to be on?
Fry: The side that kicks your twisted, metal ass.
Leela: Fry, stay back. He's too powerful.
Fry: Negative, bossy meat creature I know now what my primary function is.
I am a battle droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.
Roberto: I'm not crazy. Don't call me crazy. I'm just not user-friendly.
hermes: Fry, don't be a hero. It's not covered by the health plan.
Roberto: Let's see how much of a robot you really are...
% Yells and charges at Fry. Fry stands still. Roberto sticks his knife in
% Fry's heart. Everyone gasps. Fry looks grimly at Roberto, unhurt. Roberto
% takes the knife out, revealing that it got stuck in "Pi-in-1" oil can. Oil
% starts dripping out of the can.
Fry: No knife can penetrate my skintanium armor.[Advances on Roberto
spinning his arms and making mechanic sounds]
Roberto: He... Help! Help! He IS a battle droid. S-Somebody help me. Mommy.
I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no. Don't
weld me to the wall, Mommy.
% He screams, throws the knife at Fry. The knife cuts Fry's arm and bounces
% off. Fry keeps coming. Roberto panics and jumps out the window. He falls on
% the ground, whimpers and breaks down.
Human cop: [Standing nearby] We're willing to listen to your demands.
% The human cops is talking to a megaphone which protrudes from the mouth of
% the robot cop. Robot cop retracts the megaphone. The human cop begins to put
% the microphone back in the slot on the robot cop's body.
Robot cop: Hey, baby, wash that off before you put it back.
% Inside Planet Express.
Amy: Hooray!
Zoidberg: Bravo!
Leela: You did it, Fry.
Bender: Congratulations, buddy. You are a credit to my race.
Fry: It was nothing, I... [Sees blood on his arm] Ah! Blood? Robots don't
have blood. I must be a... a...
Zoidberg: A squid?
Fry: A human! Oh, my God, I'm a human.
Zoidberg: Also good.
% The police leaves. Zoidberg puts bandages on Fry.
Leela: Thanks for saving us, Fry. [Kisses him on the cheek]
Fry: I'm going to continue never washing this cheek again.
Bender: Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin but inside, you've got the
heart of a robot.
Fry: Aw, thanks, Bender.
Bender: Just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. [Takes out a
human heart. Everyone is disgusted] What? What?
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: 8:01 Running Time: 21:50]
==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{} Me
{JK} Joe Klemm
{WK} wavking
{JL} Johannes Lempp
TV Guide synopses by TV Guide
Opening Theme cartoon information from:
http://www.palmy.net.nz/futurama/opening/
The capsule has been compiled and the transcript written by Me whose name I prefer not to mention.
You can do whatever you want with this capsule, but be reasonable.