==============================================================================
That's Lobstertaiment Written by Patric M. Verrone
Directed by Bret Haarland
==============================================================================
Production code: 3ACV08 Original Airdate: Sun, 25-Feb-2001
TV Guide synopsis:
In Hollywood, Bender lies to get a robot TV actor to finance
a comeback film for Dr. Zoidberg's uncle, legendary star
Harold Zoid (Hank Azaria).
Opening theme promotion: DECIPHERED FROM CROP CIRCLES Opening theme cartoon: Unknown
... School hoverbus at the parking lot?
... Mel Gibson's head drawn exactly like on The Simpsons?
... Amy, Kiff, Zapp, and Petunia, Morbo, Jar-Jar's head in
the jar, Pauly Shore, Michelle and Monique at the Academy
Awards?
Joe Klemm:
... Zoidberg using his claws as film clappers when making
The Magnificent Three?
- Starring - Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth) - Katey Sagal (Leela) - John DiMaggio (Bender) - Tress MacNeille (Tour Guide) - Guest Starring - Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad) - David Herman - Special Appearance by - Hank Azaria (Harold Zoid) - Also Starring - Maurice LaMarche
+ That's Entertainment (Movie) {jk}
- Episode Title
+ Star Trek (TV Series)
- "The Pepsi Generation" soft drink placement
+ They Call Me Mr Tibbs (Movie)
- "They call me Mr. Pibb" soft drink placement {l}
+ "They Call Me Mello Yellow" (Song)
- "They call me Mr. Pibb" soft drink placement.
Mellow Yellow is also a soft drink. {mz}
+ Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs (Cartoon)
- Snow White and the 7Ups
+ Harold Lloyd {jk}
- Harold Zoid
+ FDR {jk}
- Harold Zoid as a wheelchair-bound president
+ Andy Warhol {jk}
- Calculon painting in the style of the artist
+ Wallace & Gromit's A Close Shave {fp}
- A Close Shaving
+ Star Tours (the ride)
- the bus
- Sign outside "All My Circuits" studio:
TAPING IN
PROGRESS
PLEASE
ANNOUNCE
SELF WITH
BULLHORN
LA BREA
TAR PITS
AS SEEN ON THE
TAR CHANNEL
OSCAR PARTY
NO LOSERS ADMITTED
Mike Zaite
Other headlines in DAILY VARIETY:
Fox Exex Bax Sex Pix,
Ficx Lax Crox Cox,
Stpx Sinx, Ax Pres.
Joe Klemm Two weeks (as hinted by how long Fry and Leela were stuck in the tar pits), is not enough time for a film to released, win at the Golden Globes, be nominated for an Oscar, and win the award (The time between nominations and the ceremony may change in the future, but the film would have to be eligible for next year's awards). Mike Zaite Don't forget the total lack of smog, gun toting children, and abandoned ruins in L.A. or the fact that the Hollywood sign is now whole again. I love it when the writers don't bother to watch the shows they make.
[None]
Joe Klemm The joke about Calculon winning the Golden Globe makes fun of an infamous incident that caused the Golden Globe Awards to be the laughing stock of the awards ceremony circuit for a many years. In 1982, the Best Female Newcomer award went to Pia Zadora for a film that was so awful, that she didn't deserve the award in the first place. However, through bribery by her husband at the time, she was able to get her hand on the award, thus proving to be a major embarrassment for the Hollywood Foreign Press. The crack about Marisa Tomei refers to the 1993 Oscar ceremony. At that ceremony, she was the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as Joe Pesci's girlfriend in the film My Cousin Vinny. However, there is a urban legend going that she wasn't the name that was in the envelope. Instead, it is believed that Jack Palance, the person presenting the award, ignored the name in the envelope and announced Tomei, who was the only American lady to be nominated in the Supporting Actress category that year, as the winner. See http://www.snopes2.com/movies/actors/tomei.htm Zikron the Insistent There's a remark about writing being categorized as a minor technical award. In cartoons there are two camps, writers and animators. Currently for the Emmys(tm)(r)(c) the awards for the animated shows are given at the technical awards which are judged by a small blue ribbon panel and the winners are announced ahead of time. The animators prefer this as they want to be voted by their colleagues. The writers would rather have a larger body of the TV academy vote for the animated series along with the other prime time TV shows. http://tv.zap2it.com/news/tvnewsdaily.html?15075 Also notice how Bender is an "executive producer". In tv that's just a writer that's been around long enough. Robert J. Muldoon I also noticed that Hollywood and Vine is a residential area in the year 3000. I'm wondering if the streets have been renamed, or Graumann's was moved (or rebuilt) because it's just a couple of blocks from this corner in Downtown Hollywood, if I remember correctly. And you can see the El Capitan in the background (wonder if Disney still owns it). And it's quite a walk from the La Brea Tar Pits on Wilshire to Graumann's Chinese (probably three to five miles). And I seriously doubt that the subway was built under the tarpits. The sewer lines nearby get flooded with tar. The subway wouldn't have a chance.
% At "THE COMEDY SIMULATOR" it's the amateur nite.
%
% It's also an amateur valet parking nite. A valet guy bring a car and crashes
% it into a lamppost.
%
% On the stage:
Robot: So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." [Audience laughs] And
then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great
audience. [Leaves]
Liquid
guy: [Flows to the microphone, then gets up] Humorbot 5.0, ladies and
gentlemen. Our next standup's a veteran of four comedy traffic
schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg. [All cheer]
Zoidberg: [Gets up on the stage] Earth, what a planet. On Earth you enjoy
eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.
[Audience is silent] Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. [Louder] On
Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my
planet... [Gets hit by a tomato in the face. He gladly eats it]
Bender: [Holding a spoon] Reload. [Leela puts another tomato in the spoon,
Bender launches it]
Zoidberg: So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head... [Audience
murmurs] and they walk up to the bar and then... [A hook shows up on
the right side of the stage] Uh-oh. Wait. Stop. I've got more.
% The hook extends towards Zoidberg, but he dodges it. Another hook appears
% from the left and knocks him of the head. Audience applauds.
%
% Back at Planet Express.
Zoidberg: My whole life I worked on that act, and they hated it.
Hermes: You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you
should be a comedian.
Zoidberg: But comedy is in my valves. My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star
back in the era of silent holograms.
Leela: Your uncle was Harold Zoid?
Zoidberg: This I cannot deny.
Prof.: Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made
of bone. As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.
% Takes out a large vinyl-like disk with "78 Million RPM HoloDisk" written on
% it. He blows dust off of it and puts it on a player, which resembles a
% gramophone. The film titled "CLOSE SHAVING", styled as old silent movie
% starts.
%
% A lobster in a barbershop is sharpening his razor. A man comes in and asks
% for "Your finest trim, please". He sits down on the chair and takes off his
% hat. The lobster gradually cuts his moustache with his claws to naught.
% The man jumps up off the seat, angrily points at the lobster, followed by
% a full screen saying titles "You are a buffoon. Now cut my beard." The
% lobster foams his chin, then cuts off his head with one swift move. The head
% rolls out the door. The lobster grabs the hat, waves it in the air. "Sir,
% you forgot your hat!" then appears. THE END. Buy Moxie.
%
% Planet Express crew laughs heartily.
Hermes: You're right, Crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could
ever be.
Zoidberg: Maybe so but, perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred
pointers...
% At Zoidberg office.
Zoidberg: This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own
ink.
% He reaches inside his coat, squishing sound is heard. He takes out a ink-pot ]
% full of ink and starts writing.
Zoidberg: [Writes] "Dear Uncle Zoid. Greetings from your long-lost nephew.
Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy, remember? [Cut to his uncle reading
the letter at the retirement home] Now I am the most important
doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is
bereft of laughter. I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle, teach me the
comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg."
Zoid: Oy, isn't that nice he took the time?
Old lady: [Walks by] What's that scribbly-gook?
Zoid: This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew who just might be my
ticket out of this flophouse, he might. [Old lady makes a slow
mocking noise and starts as slowly walking away]
Zoid: Yeah, you better run.
% Zoid picks up an ink-pot and fills it with his own ink. He then starts
% writing a reply.
Zoid: [Writing] Dear Rich Doctor Nephew. I can help you be funny. The
first funny thing you must do is put all your money in the form of a
cashier's check and come to Hollywood. [Switch to Zoidberg reading
the reply] Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check.
Zoidberg: Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood.
% Planet express ship flies over desert, and reaches LA, passing through the
% O in HOLLYWOOD. It lands on a parking lot and parks in a space designated
% a "compact", shoving aside the two cars on the sides. Leela puts a steering
% wheel lock on the steering wheel of the ship, which extends all the way to
% the ceiling and the floor.
%
% Later. The board the Star Tours bus. There's a "NOTE: BUS DOES NOT LEAVE
% EARTH" on the side of the bus.
Guide: Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you there's no refund if you get
discovered and leave the tour. [Laughs] I'm just kidding. That never
happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox Studios. Fox
uses those searchlights to blind pilots then film the resulting
plane crashes. [We see that scheme in action]
Bender: [Takes a picture] Neat.
Guide: Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson star of the hit film
BRAVEHEAD. [Mel Gibson's head in the jar pokes out of the door of
a tiny house, then shuts the door] And do we have any fans of
Calculon star of the robot soap opera, ALL MY CIRCUITS?
Bender: Oh, I am! [Disconnects one of his hands and raises it with the
other] Me. Bender is.
Guide: Then you'll want to get a close look at his luxury Bel-Air home.
Bender: Yes, I will. Yup!
% Jumps off the bus, runs through the green fence to the door of the house. He
% ring the bell, Calculon opens.
Calculon: Are you my new hot water heater?
Bender: No, I'm Bender. We met once, remember?
Calculon: Absolutely not.
Bender: Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you?
'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right?
Calculon: Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to
212 degrees I'm not interested. [Slams the door]
% Bender rings the bell again.
Calculon: Have you got an extra "Goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender.
Bender: Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.
% In the shower.
Calculon: Nice work, Boiler.
Bender: [Pouring water on him from his hand] Thanks. Hey, call me Bender.
% At the intersection of Rodeo Drive and Wilshire Boulevard. Leela, Fry and
% Zoidberg are still on the Tour bus, passing the EBOLA restaurant.
Zoidberg: That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my
Hollywood dreams. Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've
eaten. [Jumps off the bus and runs into the restaurant]
% In the restaurant. Zoidberg runs in and see Zoid at the table.
Zoidberg: Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back.
Zoid: Rich nephew. Come over here and give your uncle a nice big meal.
% They hug, then sit down.
Zoid: So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian...
Zoidberg: ...and a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients.
Zoid: Eating real food in a restaurant as we both often do. So, you want
to be a comedian, is it?
Zoidberg: It's my lifelong dream.
Zoid: Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented. That's why
you're perfect for drama.
Zoidberg: Hmm... serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.
% A passing waiter slips up and drops a plate of spagetti on his head.
% Everyone laughs.
Zoid: I'm putting together a big drama picture right now, as we speak. The
script is dynamite! I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me
directing and starring I'll be back on top after 50 miserable
years... [Zoidbergs looks at him surprised] of fame.
Zoidberg: Ah, fame. Where do I come in?
Zoid: This fame film has a juicy part for you if you completely finance it
with your doctor money. So, are you in?
Zoidberg: Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest?
Zoid: Oh, not much, not much. A million dollars. [Zoidberg shoots water
out of his head, several places at once] Then it's settled. Another
blockbuster Hollywood deal.
Waiter: What can I get you gentlemen?
Zoidberg: Is bread free?
Waiter: Yeah.
Zoidberg: We'll split an order.
% [End of Act One. Act Time: 8:04 Running Time: 8:04]
% At the parking lot, inside the ship. Zoidberg weeps.
Bender: [Comes in] What's with Monstro?
Fry: He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a
movie.
Zoidberg: I've only been here a day and already I'm a Hollywood phony.
Bender: Well, perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help now that I'm in
showbiz.
Fry: Since when have you been in the biz?
Bender: Long enough, little man. Long enough. [Water shoots out of his hand,
he turns it like a faucet, the flow cuts off]
% At Hollywood. Camera passes "Universal Studios", then "PARALLEL UNIVERSAL
% STUDIOS", which shimmers unevenly.
%
% Planet express crew reaches the "All My Circuits" studio.
% Calculon is in makeup.
Bender: Calculon, as your hot water heater I would be remiss if I didn't
bring you scripts that could make you an international film star.
Calculon: Of course. Tell me about the project.
Zoidberg: It's a movie.
Calculon: Interesting. Tell me more.
Bender: Get this. For a scant $1 million investment you can be the star.
Calculon: And?
Bender: And, uh, I guarantee it'll win you an Oscar.
Calculon: An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rats'
nest called television once and for all. Let me see the script.
[Zoidberg gives him the script] No. No, I don't like the font. Wait.
Harold Zoid? Was this written by THE Harold Zoid?
Zoidberg: Written and xeroxed.
Calculon: Good heavens, a chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's
one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar?
Bender: I can guarantee you anything you want.
Calculon: Then I'll do it.
Zoidberg: Hooray!
Bender: Here's your checkbook. [Hands Calculon his checkbook, which he had
in his compartment]
% At the filming.
Calculon: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold
Zoid. [Everyone applauds]
Zoid: Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not
want to follow in his father's business and that business is being
president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice
president.
Bender: That plot makes perfect sense... wink, wink.
Zoidberg: Bender, you said, "wink, wink" out loud.
Bender: No, I didn't. Raised middle finger.
% Filming starts.
Zoid: Now, remember - and I can't stress this enough - this is a talkie so
I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.
Zoidberg: The Magnificent Three, scene one, take one.
Zoid: And... action.
Calculon: Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always
your dream, not mine.
Zoid: Cut! Cut! Cut it! Poi! I said this is a talkie, damn it. You've got
to emote more. And you extras, wave your arms and make faces. What
is this? A morgue?
% Later.
Zoidberg: The Magnificent Three, scene ten, take 95.
Zoid: Action. And I mean circus-grade action.
Calculon: [In unnaturally dramatic tone] Sir, I call upon you not as a
president but as a father! [Weeps. Extras runs and yells on the
background]
Zoid: Cut! Cut! Cut it! [To Calculon] Would you show a little emotion?
[To everyone] People, people, please. Just because it's a dramatic
scene doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.
Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.
% New scene.
% Waving flag that has a picture of White House on it. Drum roll. Extras
% run out, throwing pies and laughing hysterically. Switch to the scene on
% the roof of White House. Thunder rolls. Calculon screams, then cries.
Zoid: Cut! Cut it! [To Calculon] Look, it's all right, kid. You'll learn.
We'll get it in editing. All right, that's a wrap, everybody. I'm
going to see you all at the premiere which, by the way, when is?
Zoidberg: Well, editing is a long and expensive process but we spent all the
money on pies so it'll be ready Friday.
% The Mangificient Three Premiere.
Bender: Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar's practically on you mantel.
Calculon: I just pray they like me half as much as I do.
% The film starts. Shot of White House. Typing appears at the bottom of the
% screen: White House, Washington D.D., then changing to Washington D.C.
% At the oval office.
Calculon: I agreed to be your vice president but I never agreed to be your
son.
% Splashes a glass of water into Zoid's face, then walks out. Zoidberg in
% Navy uniform opens the door for him.
Calculon: Thank you, Lieutenant Smith.
Zoidberg: Good morning, Mr. Vice President.
% Cut to Leela and Fry looking for parking.
Fry: Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend
a Hollywood shindig. Just pay the valet the two bucks.
Leela: No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a
parking lot up ahead.
% She lands in LA BREA TAR PITS, the ship sinks in tar. They both scream.
% Back to the preniere. The scene on the roof of White House.
Calculon: Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof so we
could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will NEVER follow in your
footsteps. HERE is my resignation as vice president.
Zoid: NO. [Crumples his resignation] My son will not SHAME me like this. I
would sooner DIE, I would.
Calculon: Father! The ledge!
Zoid: [Rolls to the edge on the wheelchair and falls off] Oy!
Calculon: Oh...
Zoidberg: [Pokes his head out of the hatch] The president is dead.
Congratulations, Mr. President.
Calculon: No! [Raises his hands, camera moves away]
% The end. "Executive Producer: BENDER" appears on the screen.
Bender: Wha-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! [Applauds]
Calculon: [Spins his head 360] Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen
plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that
Oscar was practically on my mantel.
Bender: Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically".
Calculon: You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that
Oscar, or you're dead. You and these sniveling lobsters. Dead! You
hear me?! Dead!
% Bender and Zoidberg hug each other and shiver.
Zoid: Oy! NOW he emotes.
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: 7:12 Running Time: 14:16]
% "DAILY VARIETY" headline "OSC NOMS ANNOUNCED" with sub headline "Also, Oscar
% Nominations Announced". Frame shifts and we see Calculon reading this paper.
Calculon: 400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. [Throws the
paper]
Zoidberg: But you won this Golden Globe.
Calculon: Piffle. That's the Emmy of movie awards. I told you I want an Oscar.
Bender: Then maybe you should act better.
Calculon: The Oscar isn't about acting. It's about earning the respect and
admiration of the creative community.
Zoid: How about we rig the awards?
Calculon: That's fine, too.
% Leela and Fry at the bottom of the tar pit. Leela tries to give the ship
% some gas. The engine struggles.
Leela: It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think I've flooded it.
Fry: Well, we've missed the premiere and we're going to die. Might as
well enjoy the sights. [Looks out the window at the blackness of
tar. Suddenly a skeleton floats by] Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone.
% At FINAL CURTAIN Old Actors' Home.
Zoidberg: This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood
movie star.
Zoid: No, I'm not. I'm an even bigger liar than you. My career went down
the tubes the day they invented Smell-O-Vision.
Bender: Calculon's going to kill us for sure. And it's all everybody else's
fault.
Zoid: Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before
I die.
Zoidberg: What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.
Zoid: As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they
remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.
Zoidberg: No. This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.
Zoidberg away. [Slowly and inaptly walks out the room]
% At the Academy Awards. Stars arrive.
Joan
Rivers: Hi. I'm Joan Rivers' head. I tell you, I've had so many facelifts
they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true. It's true. Oh!
Oh, oh! Here comes Jack Nicholson's DNA reconstituted in a gorilla
body.
% A gorilla looking like Nicholson gets out of the car with a girl on each arm.
%
% Meanwhile, at the back door. Bender rolls the cart.
Bender: Catering.
% The guard pick us the cover, revealing Zoidberg on a dish.
Guard: Eww. Ugh. Ahh. [Pinches his nose. Waves them in]
% Back at the front.
Joan
Rivers: Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. Are you
presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one?
Zoid: I'm a sheet-filler, Joan's head. My only marketable skill is to
occupy space.
% Inside.
Calculon: [To Zoid] You know, the second I don't win that award you're cat
food. Right, Boxy? [Boxy beeps]
Announcer: And now the host the 1074th Academy Awards Billy Crystal!
% A golden statue with Billy Crystal's head in the jar on top is on the stage.
Crystal: Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. [All laugh. Nicholson gorilla
grunts, and thumps itself on the chest] Oh, you like that one, Jack?
[Imitates his grunting]
% The statue transport Billy Crystal's head to the podium, then folds its
% hands.
Cyrstal: All right. We're already one hour behind. [Gorilla grunts] Our first
award tonight Best Cinematography in a Nonvisible Spectrum...
% At the bottom of the tar pits.
Fry: It's been two weeks. You want to play tic-tac-toe again before we
eat our shoes?
Leela: No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of
tar?
% Something hits the hull of the ship. The ship tilts.
Fry: What was that? A tar dolphin? Or a tar SHARK?
Leela: It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. [Gasps] The Los
Angeles Subway. We can blast our way in and escape.
Fry: All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.
% Takes off his shoe and starts gnawing on it. Leela steps on the gas pedal.
%
% Back at the academy awards. Backstage.
Zoidberg: What category are they on?
Bender: They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to
Writing.
Zoidberg: That just leaves Best Soft Drink Product Placement and then Best
Actor. We don't have much time.
Crystal: And the nominees for Best Soft Drink Product Placement are...
Slum
machine: Star Trek, the Pepsi Generation...[a shot of a Vulcan holding a
can of Pepsi] They call me Mr. Pibb [a shot of a can of Mr. Pibb
and a Man In Black] and Snow White and the 7Ups. [Shot of Snow White
drinking 7Up from a straw]
Bender: [Taps into the announcing system] And now, to present the award for
Best Actor a bit player in the flop movie "The Magnificent Three"
Dr. Zoidberg.
% Zoidberg walks out on the stage, takes the Billy Crystal jar and dumps
% him out. Crow applauds.
Calculon: Okay, Boxy, keep your prong on the trigger. [Boxy jams a gun in
Zoid's ribs. Er.. rib equivalents]
Zoidberg: And the nominees for Best Actor are... Sir Lawrence [Weird
trilling] in "The Merchant of Venus", Hivemind Gamma 7-X in "Bikini
Party Summer" The Soda Machine Robot in "Bikini Party Summer", Mark
Jones in "How beige Was my Jacket?" and, instead of the fifth guy,
Calculon for his powerhouse performance in "The Magnificent Three".
Crowd: [Surprised murmur] Calculon?
Assistant
backstage: Uh-oh. He read the wrong name.
Another
assistant: Shh. Just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.
Zoid: Hooray! I won't be murdered. I'll live another day. Another day
of... pathetic, forgotten misery.
Zoidberg: [Cuts open the envelope. Drum roll] And the winner is... And the
winner, instead of any of the nominees is the legendary Harold Zoid!
Zoid: Oh. Oh... [Runs to the stage] Oh... ho, ho. [Hugs Zoidberg] Thank
you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs I
always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar.
But tonight I realize what's really important is to win TWO Oscars.
Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is
that people care about you whether it's a whole crowd or just one
diehard fan.
Crowd: Ah... [Applause. Nicholson gorilla grunts, hanging from the
chandelier]
% Later, at the Oscar Party.
Zoid: Thank you, Nephew. [Kisses the Oscar] Now I can die happy. Ten
seconds from now when Calculon kills us.
Calculon: [Comes up to their table] Harold Zoid?
Bender: Hit the deck! [Bender and Zoidberg hide under the table]
Calculon: Where's that Oscar?
Zoid: Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less
fraudulent for you to have it.
Calculon: Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own.
Bender: Then you're not going to kill us, Your Majesty?
Calculon: Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death
with his own Oscar. [Crowd cheers]
% Ground starts shaking.
Zoidberg: Earthquake!
Bender: Hit the deck! [He and Zoidberg hide under the table]
Zoid: Let the earth quake. I've got somebody's Oscar! [Holds it up]
% Outside the restaurant Planet Express ship jumps out of the ground, all
% covered in tar, and stops right before the restaurant. Leela and Fry come
% out.
Fry: We made it. I'm at a Hollywood party.
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir. This is a private... Oh, pardon me. I see you're
with Mr. Stallone. [Stallone's skeleton is stuck to Fry's leg]
% He lets them in. Camera moves away showing a view of LA.
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: 7:27 Running Time: 21:43]
Capsule authored by "Me."
{} "Me"
{dg} David Gray
{jk} Joe Klemm
{l} Larry
{rjm} Robert J. Muldoon
{fp} Fen Phen
{mz} Mike Zaite
{zti} Zikron the Insistent
TV Guide synopses by TV Guide
Opening Theme cartoon information from:
http://www.palmy.net.nz/futurama/opening/
The capsule has been compiled and the transcript written by Me whose name I prefer not to mention.
You can do whatever you want with this capsule, but be reasonable.