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Now remember, don't ever say a negative word about anything remotely associated with this, the best of all possible workplaces, or any other workplace for that matter. You wouldn't want anyone saying you have an attitude problem. Love your job. Use the company mission statement as your life's philosophy, and be cheerful with everyone at all times, especially the fine system administrators and helpful tech support staff, and everyone will work well together. Don't ever read Dilbert. That guy just isn't a Team Player.

Once upon a time I worked for a small company that was taken over by a large company. The large company sent in all these white men in dark suits to watch over us. The few who knew anything about computers knew COBOL.

One time, my coworker Gene was patiently trying to explain his C code to one of the Suits:

Suit: Why does this array start at 0?
Gene: That's how C works. The first item in the array is offset 0 from the pointer.
Suit: This goes from 0 to 9.
Gene: A total of 10 values, yes.
Suit: Can you make it go from 1 to 10?
Gene: The language doesn't work that way.
Suit: Can you make it go from 0 to 10, and not use 0?
Gene: No, that wouldn't work ...

After a long and grueling debate on starting with 0 or 1, the Suit left. Gene came over to my cubicle, looked at me, and said, "but this one goes up to 11!"